I suffer from depression.
Most of the time, I have it under control, (and I work REALLY REALLY hard to do so). The weather has an impact on my mental well-being, so as summer fades into fall, I need to up my dosage of vitamin D and bust out my Happy Light. And even though I'm doing those things, I'm also hugely affected by stress. And while I'm usually pretty fucking awesome at hiding how stressed I am slash dealing with it, I find myself entering into one of my rare "fuck everything" stages, because I'm unusually overwhelmed with everything going on. As though I wasn't already feeling like shit, I rolled my ankle during (ironically) our school's Terry Fox run in some hole in the grass, and cracked off a part of my ankle bone. I'm currently residing in my bed with an air cast. I can't drive, care of driving stick, and I'm in some pain, in addition to a headache I've had for five days, and my stomach pain, which never seems to subside. As you can see, I'm a real bucket of joy at the moment!
BUT! I didn't write this to be a Debbie downer; I wrote this so that anyone suffering from depression or dealing with anything mental health related has it drilled into their head that they are not alone, they do not need to feel shame and they are not any less valuable. That, despite my mostly chipper, and happy (and hopefully!) helpful messages (and I do truly believe in all of that what you put out, you get back, universe-energy-stuff), I sometimes feel like saying "fuck everything". And I'm not okay, not at this exact second, but I will be. And so will you. And even though nothing feels like it's going right, it's going to start going right.
Use your support systems, do what you need to do to feel better, and ASK FOR HELP if you need it.
You are loved, and you are enough.
Xoxoxoxox,
M
Comments