That's what my blog automatically saved my draft as. Untitled. And it's pretty much the perfect label for how I'm feeling. That cross between sadness, anger, loneliness, happiness, frustration, joy. That "throw my hands up in the air" exasperated feeling. It finally has a name!
As we move into day 3948193 of self-isolation (or not, depending where you are), I've had this time to really just get comfortable with myself (and not necessarily by choice!) because that is who I'm surrounded by 24/7. And even though I'm working, or on video calls, it's really just me all day, every day.
There's so much you can take from this time spent alone and/or with family, but what if the one take away was more love for yourself? Feeling safe with yourself? Acknowledging what a fucking amazing human being you are? And then that self you have allowed yourself to be, you take that person out into the world with no apologies and no apprehension. No worrying about what others think. No fear with how you are perceived. And on the flip side, letting go of vanity, judgement, comparison... If that was one of the take aways from all of this, wouldn't that make it worth it? Make all of those feelings all over the place worthwhile? Being the most loved version of yourself, out there making the world a better place for everyone you encounter?
Sigh.
Fingers crossed.
Xoxox,
M